Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I was on the phone with my mom as I boarded the bus today. We were actually discussing her blog, life events, the election and about 10 min. into it she asked where I was. "On the bus, and so far, pretty normal." (Enter the man with the mullhawk.) "Well...almost normal. So close." I sort of lost my concentration during the phone conversation taking mental notes of this man for blog purposes. To explain the scene, imagine you have slightly longer than shoulder-length hair, if you don't already. Then take the top half of your hair, pull it into a rubber band on the very tip top of your head. Now, slice off that bunch of hair just above the band so your hair is now a spiked ponytail. Leave the bottom half of your hair alone. Where there is now a tiny part going around your head from the ponytail, widen it about an inch by shaving it. Leave spiked ponytail in place. Meet the mullet mohawk, or mullhawk for short. Now picture the mullhawk man in some long, leather, middle earth, Lord of the Rings style jacket and put a bull ring in his nose. He walked by me pretty fast, but I think he was wearing the boots too (see photo below for a near-exact replica, but add sleeves onto the leather jacket). I say goodbye to Mom, and suddenly notice some girl behind me saying for all to hear, "Well I'm sorry I didn't like him. I was NOT going to sleep with him, and I sure wasn't going to sleep with him once I saw him!" Good to know she stuck to her guns. She continued to argue with someone and I tuned out the rest. Two stops later, and thankfully only three stops before my exit, a crew of people loaded onto the bus. The bus is nearly full so I know I'm going to have to sit by someone. Pleeeze don't let it be the big guy who looks like he smells bad, Plleeeeeeze! So a big guy who looks like he smells bad sits down right next to me...and he does smell. Like moldy, unfiltered nicotine. I have been in close proximity to smokers; no big deal. This guy, however -- not right. I assume my usual shorter breath routine, but I am literally rubbing shoulders with this guy whose bottom half is invading my seat some. Not only that, the bus hasn't even left the stop yet! Why? Because some idiot can't find his bus ticket to pay the driver! Really??? You've been waiting at the bus stop for how long, you see the bus coming, you actually get in line to board it, and you don't think to look for your ticket before getting on? It amazes me how often this happens...people start digging for change the moment they get on the bus. But that's a whole other blog rant.... I somehow survive the next three stops without doing the all-too obvious nose in the jacket collar trick, and I exit. When I tell Kelly about the mullhawk, he asks "Was he more punk or was he redneck?" I respond "I think he was more Shire than anything."
Posted by Missy at 4:02 PM