Halloween Ride

People dressed up on the bus today. We've got a witch, a skeleton, a thug and a woman dressed as a man. Actually...the latter two might not be costumes. There is another guy I'm not sure about. He's got a headband supporting a high hairdo, and black spectacles. I think he's supposed to be Prince but I could be wrong. I think to myself: Every day is Halloween on the 22.

New Method in Fighting

Remember my post about getting in trouble? Yeah. Well, I walk on the bus today to two young teenage boys kicking each other across the aisle. One is so aggressive, I have to pause in the aisle while he stands up, reaches over to his "friend" and socks him in the shoulder. When he sits back down, then I proceed to a seat. They continue going at it. The boys are kicking each other and laughing and then one goes "Stop. I mean it, STOP!" The Ritalin-deprived kid does not appear to hear his friend's pleas and he keeps going, swapping kicks and punches. By the way, they are sitting three feet away from the same bus driver who was apparently annoyed by my measly (not to mention civil) phone conversations. Next thing I know, hyper boy takes his hand and drags it over his tongue to gather spit and he snaps his spit-laden hand at his friend! WHAT the--?? Then his friend does the same thing!!! (I'm sure I either look dumbfounded or horrified, I can't remember.) I can't even begin to explain how disgusting I find this new fighting technique. Bus driver finally turns around and says so softly that I can barely make it out: "You boys stop that." Aaaand...they don't. They smile and the fight continues, even when an elderly lady tries to get off the bus. She has to pause like I did and wait for the crazy kid to get his body out of the aisle and back in the seat. At this point, I think better they keep going. I hope they kick the spit out of each other!

Skate or bus, dude!

Today almost all of my senses are being harassed on the bus. My sight is harassed by another dose of teens wearing bad, gothic-confused fashion; my hearing is harassed by something that sounds like an annoying ring tone or video game that goes off every 2-5 minutes; my touch is harassed by the man behind me coughing in my hair, and my smell is harassed by what my smell is usually harassed by -- everything. Tho this kind of stuff which occurs regularly may contribute to my poor attitude at the bus stop, I don't think it was the main reason for my sinister behavior at the bus stop today. When I arrived at the bus stop, I wasn't there five minutes before tween rocker Rainbow Brite rolled up on a skateboard with younger brother in tow on his board. They nearly rolled right into me as they went towards the bench, but I dismissed it and casually sauntered away. This toothpick tween had an ugly scowl on her face to match her bad Pat Benatar, over-dyed hairstyle; she was sporting the skinny pants with big, bright pink Converse, and she had layered shirts with rainbow strings hanging off the back. The best was her nametag, laden with stars: Izzy. Right. So. I try to be the big person that I am, and not give a sense that I am paying any attention to these two at all, while "Izzy" is desperately trying to give a sense to anyone around that she's pretty hard core. Next thing I know, she gets back on her board and does a half-moon right around me, almost jamming into my heels this time. Then she hops up onto the abandoned "Road Work Ahead" sign that's been sitting at my bus stop for months, and I delight in the fact that she loses her balance and falls off backwards (don't worry, she caught herself...I'm not that mean). I think from embarrassment, she darts back toward her little bro and they continue skating around. Meanwhile the 128 bus is approaching, and the driver slows but doesn't begin to pull over because he knows by now I always shake my head for him to pass. Well, you wouldn't know the two kids were actually waiting for this bus because they're still skating around, but tweener must've noticed at the last second so she lunges right in front of me, saying "No wait!"...just as my head begins its first turn to the left (picture it in slow mo). At that same second, bus driver gets a slight glimpse of my half-shaken head and he puts the pedal to the medal. "F**ING A!!!!" is the next thing I hear from tween queen as she stomps her foot in disapproval. I can't help but give an evil little "not-my-problem" smirk, as she huffs away. I had a teeny tiny pinch of guilt, but then again it really wasn't my fault she was too busy falling off skateboards to notice the bus coming. And how am I to know that's the bus she needed? The guilt melts away as I think: A brat's a brat, and that's that.

I got in trouble on the 22.

Normally I board the bus, find the safest-looking seat near the least scary people and I sit and zone out to the peaceful murmur of some insane person. Today I walk on the bus mid-cell phone conversation with my friend Kat and find a relatively empty section of the bus where I can talk quietly, and I do just that. During that conversation my dad phones in so I call him back immediately following and talk for a moment. Then I make one more call to my friend Jolie about an event upcoming. Well a few minutes into my third phone call, my reception dies and I lose the call. As SOON as I hang up, the bus driver gets on the loud speaker to announce (in dull, monotone voice): "Just a reminder, if you have a personal cell device please use it in a manner that is not offensive to other people on the bus." Okaaaay? Obviously intended for me since I appear to be the only one talking on my cell phone at the moment. First off, who says "personal cell device"? Really? And second, what in the world could I have said that would be more offensive than a trio of rappers on the bus or the guy who gives clear, in-depth detail about fondling his date in the hot tub, or the kid singing the new $5 Subway Sandwich jingle over and over (you know, "Five...five dollar...five dollar footloooooong!"). Or how about the silent offenders who reek like stanky armpit!? This kind of stuff frequents the bus and somehow I get an indirect lecture for having a clean, expletive-free personal cell device conversation? It doesn't seem right, esp since all that talking I was doing was in fact to someone versus some people on my bus who talk at no one.

"if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..."

Anyone remember this guy from the movie "Office Space"? Yeah? Well, he walked on my bus today -- the spitting image of Milton. Possibly his long lost twin. It was a crazy close resemblance! He had the 'stache and the thick bi-focals with bug eyes, and the same tousled hairstyle. Only he was dressed in casual wear; no tie. His movement, however, was spot on. He was slightly hunched over from carrying a heavy backpack but his arms were mildly pumping at his side as walked determinedly to his seat. He seemed very focused, like the kind of guy who would be irritated if someone asked him to move seats, or if someone touched his backpack, or took his stapler.... Reminded me I need to rent this modern-day classic just for the heckuvit.

Introducing the "Mullhawk"

I was on the phone with my mom as I boarded the bus today. We were actually discussing her blog, life events, the election and about 10 min. into it she asked where I was. "On the bus, and so far, pretty normal." (Enter the man with the mullhawk.) "Well...almost normal. So close." I sort of lost my concentration during the phone conversation taking mental notes of this man for blog purposes. To explain the scene, imagine you have slightly longer than shoulder-length hair, if you don't already. Then take the top half of your hair, pull it into a rubber band on the very tip top of your head. Now, slice off that bunch of hair just above the band so your hair is now a spiked ponytail. Leave the bottom half of your hair alone. Where there is now a tiny part going around your head from the ponytail, widen it about an inch by shaving it. Leave spiked ponytail in place. Meet the mullet mohawk, or mullhawk for short. Now picture the mullhawk man in some long, leather, middle earth, Lord of the Rings style jacket and put a bull ring in his nose. He walked by me pretty fast, but I think he was wearing the boots too (see photo below for a near-exact replica, but add sleeves onto the leather jacket). I say goodbye to Mom, and suddenly notice some girl behind me saying for all to hear, "Well I'm sorry I didn't like him. I was NOT going to sleep with him, and I sure wasn't going to sleep with him once I saw him!" Good to know she stuck to her guns. She continued to argue with someone and I tuned out the rest. Two stops later, and thankfully only three stops before my exit, a crew of people loaded onto the bus. The bus is nearly full so I know I'm going to have to sit by someone. Pleeeze don't let it be the big guy who looks like he smells bad, Plleeeeeeze! So a big guy who looks like he smells bad sits down right next to me...and he does smell. Like moldy, unfiltered nicotine. I have been in close proximity to smokers; no big deal. This guy, however -- not right. I assume my usual shorter breath routine, but I am literally rubbing shoulders with this guy whose bottom half is invading my seat some. Not only that, the bus hasn't even left the stop yet! Why? Because some idiot can't find his bus ticket to pay the driver! Really??? You've been waiting at the bus stop for how long, you see the bus coming, you actually get in line to board it, and you don't think to look for your ticket before getting on? It amazes me how often this happens...people start digging for change the moment they get on the bus. But that's a whole other blog rant.... I somehow survive the next three stops without doing the all-too obvious nose in the jacket collar trick, and I exit. When I tell Kelly about the mullhawk, he asks "Was he more punk or was he redneck?" I respond "I think he was more Shire than anything."