Friday, August 22, 2008

Life with the Crazies on the Number 2.

Turns out, the 22 doesn't get all the crazies in town, and Katy has the story to prove it...

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So earlier this week it was pouring outside and a bunch of people were huddled under the bus shelter trying to stay dry when a rather large black woman in a bright yellow shirt came strolling up. “HEY!” she shrieked to an unknowing skinny white guy watching for the bus, “Can I sit there or is this segregated seating?!?” She gestured threateningly with her umbrella at the 2-seater in the shelter. Without a word the dumbfounded man fled from the scene to get away from the loud lady making racist allegations.

She sat down. Her eyes fell upon me. “Oh, God” I thought.

“Hey! What bus are you waiting for?!?” She bellowed.

“Any bus going in that direction.” I replied and pointed.

“Well do you know when the next one comes?!?!” She inquired.

“Nope.” I replied.

Just then the number 2 drove up. I was saved! But no one else was.

“OH lucky me! That was good timing wasn’t it?!?! Even though I’m BLACK!” She spat at no one in particular.

The people around me were stifling their laughter in that ever-passive aggressive Pacific Northwest way. We formed a line (about 15 people wanted to get on the 2) but trifle things like manners and patience were not to be considered with this lady. She cut in front of everybody walked right up to the door saying “Excuse me, Pardon me.” And got on the bus. Nobody was ready to object to this blatant lack of bus etiquette because nobody was any taller than her shoulders.

Finally, all had boarded and we were on our way. The bus was full so I was standing in the aisle towards the front. I turned around to check where the crazy lady was. She was in a 2 seater facing front near the back door. Apparently the bus was too full for her. Because at the next stop when the driver let more people on she bellowed “DRIVER! There’s too many people on this bus! Stop letting them on! It’s too crowded.” He ignored her. Just then, apparently someone accidentally touched her when the bus started off again. “OW! Stop touching me! SHIT! You could at least say ‘Excuse me!’ God, you stupid BITCH!” She leaned over to the person next to her. “Do you know where I can get 3 candy bars for a dollar?” The poor lady next to her said, “Uh, I think there’s a Rite Aid at the next stop.”

So at the next stop the crazy lady stood up and said, “Excuse me, pardon me, I’m trying to get off!” Then she paused. “And I farted. That was my prerogative.” As soon as the doors closed, the entire bus erupted with laughter.

~ Katy


4 comments:

Emily said...

OMG!!! Is this the same lady that was singing "You're so Vain, you probably think this song is about you" ?

Katy said...

Yeah, I forgot to menation that. She sang it out loud to herself betweeen the screaming about people touching her and the asking for candy bar info.

Kelly said...

I was laughing so hard ad the end of this I farted! Hope the rest of the people in the office aren't too upset at me...it's good to be the boss.

Missy said...

I'm pretty sure distant relatives of this lady have boarded the 22. I'll keep my eye out for her!